Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
