Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You took a bar mat shot.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
