My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
