So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize