Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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