Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk is not a location!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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