wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
