Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
