At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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