I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
