I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
