your parents love me but you hate me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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