she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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