Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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