Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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