everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
did you just send me my own nude
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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