If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
