i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
