oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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