youre lurking in front of me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
