one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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