Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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