Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
