I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize