If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
