i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
