Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
