If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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