so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
