Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
