They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
