I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
