I wanna passion pit in your ass
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
