..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
