Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
