My Higher Power is John Stamos
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
