apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it because I queefed?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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