forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
