I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
