Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
