I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
