i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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