and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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