Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize