I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
