What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
