I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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