just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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