No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
