I just cut my nipple shaving
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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