office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
