Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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