I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
