literally had 100 drinks last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
