Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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