Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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