went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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