Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
