so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
