break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I enjoy the company of your penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
