i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
