she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
