Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
