I can text with my tongue
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize