Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
