i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
