literally had 100 drinks last night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
