I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
