Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
