i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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