i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
