Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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