if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize