i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
