why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
