looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
