Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
