He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
