You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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