my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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