I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
