that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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